Sisters

[caption id="attachment_895" align="alignright" width="224"] Vivian "teaching" Caroline how to walk[/caption]

I often wonder what impact having Caroline as a sister will have on Vivian.  Some who know both of my of ladies might be wondering why I don't worry about the impact having Vivian as a sister will have on Caroline. And I do, believe me, I do.

I have talked to other parents who have a typically developing child and a child with special needs and many say the typically developing child is very compassionate, responsible, and understanding.  I have also read studies that cite children who grow up with a special needs sibling are more likely to be overachievers and to have issues with guilt because they watch their sibling struggle with tasks that they come by naturally.

I want both of my ladies to have the opportunity to develop as individuals but to learn from each other along the way.  Vivian is very bossy and a know-it-all but I hope that someday she realizes that while there are many lessons she can teach Caroline, there are also many lessons she can learn from her.  Vivian delights in telling Caroline "criss-cross applesauce," as she places a puzzle in front of her.  When Vivian decides to engage with Caroline she has a captive audience. Vivian is one of Caroline's most effective teachers.  From Caroline, Vivian could learn humility, flexibility, and patience. (To be fair, I could probably learn the same lessons from Caroline.)

I did some deep investigating reporting for today's post.  I interviewed Vivian about what is like having Caroline as a sister.

Me: Vivian, what do you like most about Caroline?

Vivian: When she plays with me.

Me: What don't like you about Caroline?

Vivian: When she hits me, she should not hit me.

Me: What do you like to do with Caroline?

Vivian: I like to teach her things. (This is not surprising because Vivian is bossy and comes for a long line of educator's on her father's side.)

Me: Does Caroline talk?

Vivian: No.

Me: Does Caroline want to talk?

Vivian: Yes

Me: How does Caroline tell us what she wants?

Vivian: Please (as she does the sign for please).

Me: Vivian, is Caroline different?

Vivian: YES!

Me: How?

Vivian: She has curly hair.

After this interview, I realized at the end of the day Vivian sees Caroline as her sister.  Vivian knows that Caroline cannot talk but wants to, but to Vivian it is not a big deal because for the most part Caroline and Vivian are able to communicate without words.  Like any sister, Vivian doesn't like when Caroline hits her. And the biggest difference that Vivian recognizes between herself and Caroline is the difference in their hair.  Vivian doesn't think it is a big deal that Caroline has a feeding tube or that she has a chewy tube attached to her shirt--her curly hair is what makes her different.

So tonight, I will sleep easy knowing that my ladies are sisters, first and foremost. And despite their difference they delight in being with each other-until they don't, which is perfectly normal.