In the last few days, I have read about two separate incidents of teachers abusing kids on the spectrum. A special education teacher in Florida was arrested when two teacher aides reported that they witnessed the teacher strike a student. And in Michigan a teacher is fighting for her job after taunting a student with Asperger’s who got himself caught in a chair—because of her inaction the student remained stuck for 10-15 minutes during which time the teacher verbally taunted the student who was in tears. No parent would want their child subject to this type of treatment. And sadly, parents at the school are defending the teacher and her actions.
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Caroline's studious side--she likes to dress the part.[/caption]I don’t know this teacher but after watching this video, I know she made some very bad choices and I would not want her working with my daughter. I would also question whether I would want to raise my daughter in a community that would rally behind the unacceptable, abusive actions of this teacher. To me when these parents chose to defend the actions of this teacher they were not only demonstrating their ignorance but also their intolerance for those who are different. When I talked to my husband, a professional educator, about this he looked at differently. He felt that the parents were reacting based on their limited experience with the teacher—who may be a good special education teacher 95% of the time. In his opinion the issue is that we cannot accept a special education teacher who plays favorites or fails in their job 5% of the time, especially when the failure is at this magnitude. My husband’s thoughts have a certain logic to them; they also demonstrate why he is such an effective educator and administrator (and one of the many reasons why I love him).
School is the nexus of most social interactions for kids with disabilities just as it is for typically developing kids. Imagine what the kids in the classroom in Michigan learned when they watched their teacher torment their classmate with special needs and then their parents defended her behavior. My guess is they learned it is okay to not only ignore the students who are different than them but to torment and bully them without consequence.
Caroline is still so young. We have been really lucky that she has not excluded from too many activities because of her diagnosis. And to my knowledge she has been subject to minimal bullying—kids pushing her down on the playground and others trying to scare her. However, I have also read countless blogs and articles about how lonely and isolating it is being a kid growing up on the spectrum—recent documented examples include kids not wanting to wear friendship bracelets given to them by a child with special needs or many instances of kids on the spectrum not getting invited to birthday parties or no one coming to their party. And then there was this blog that I read months ago—I can’t find it now—but essentially the author talks about how she sat in the audience at back to school night as the principal of the school encouraged kids of students with special needs to make sure to plan “extra fun” parties so the “normal” kids would want to attend.
In my eyes, Caroline is the life of every party but I can understand why some people may have reservations about having her around. It is stressful spending a lot of time with a child with special needs and if you have limited or no experience with autism some of the unexpected behaviors may be unsettling. But people who willingly enter a profession working with kids with special needs need to be held to a higher standard and if they are getting overwhelmed, need to have access to an establish protocol to remove themselves from the situation. And furthermore we should want special educators and administrators to raise the expectations of other teachers and students by celebrating the successes of kids on the spectrum. The impact of a teacher bullying or tormenting a student with special needs not only has tragic consequences for the student with special needs but for all their typical peers. As a society we need to demand more and not accept any less.
Different, not less.
This story turned my stomach as well. I do not understand how the 2nd teacher was not arrested for abuse. The community rallied behind her? Maybe she is a favorite and maybe this kid was a particular nuisance, but doesn't that make it even worse? This is why schooling in general terrifies me. That one moment in that child's life may define him personally and with his peers who he will grow up with.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to play devil's advocate for a moment and tell you that I can understand excluding some children from a a private party. Not because of any particular differences between the children, but because of the parents, who either don't watch them, or drop them off. This has nothing to do with any labels, just simply some kids have crappy parents and I don't want them around my kiddos.
I should also tell you my Mom taught me inclusion from the earliest age. Actually this is one of my favorite childhood memories. I was turning 8 and planning my first school friends party. I was going to invite only the people I was friends with, my Mother insisted I invite all the females in my class. One little girl, Debbie, was poor, I mean severely poor and I asked my Mother if she would be able to afford to buy me a present and would it be fair invite her. She said it would be worse to not invite her. And so she came. I opened so many Barbie things that day, but my favorite, which I still have today, was a set of Barbie furniture made of clothes pins glued together, painted brown with tiny little red gingham pillows. Debbie and her Mother had made them for me. I can not remember a single girl that came to that party or anything I got, but I remember Debbie and her gift. Years later her Mother saw my Mom in a store and told her how much it had meant to Debbie to be invited. I'm talking like 10 years later. The best part, is neither my Mother or I had forgotten either and told her we still had the furniture. Apparently, both Mothers shed a few tears.
Sorry to blather on, I guess having children really makes me think about the things that will impact them and the kind of humans I want them to become.
Love Caroline's glasses by the way. Very librarian.
Just read the story, the teacher recorded it?! I would be outraged at that alone, no one takes images of my kids without my permission.
ReplyDeleteThis breaks my heart. I am a kindergarten teacher, and have an autistic child in my room. I was speaking with some older grade coworkers about his placement for next year and was just shocked by their responses. It's easy to forget that we are all just human, limited by our own biases and life experience. They didn't mean anything cruel, but their responses were along the lines of how have you put up with him, why isn't he in a special education classroom. I don't "put up" with him, I love having him in my room. The other kids in my class adore him. I feel like we are all more tolerant because of him. I have worked hard on teaching my class "different, not less". I am so upset when I hear of teachers being cruel and bullying children. If you don't love what you do, please find another profession. Think of how you would want your child treated.
ReplyDeleteI hope there are more teachers like you who embrace the abilities and gifts kids with autism have to offer and not just focus on their disabilities. Thank you so much for writing and for being a thoughtful teacher.
ReplyDeleteI'm currently filing suit for abuse n neglect against my son.. it's a terrible thing no parent should have to go through.
ReplyDeleteLisa, I am do sorry you and your don are going through this-you are right no parent should ever have to file abuse report against school. My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteI am the mother of the child who was struck by the teacher. Ever since the incident, my every thought has been consumed with his safety and wellbeing. Peace of mind was abruptly stolen from me that day.. I replay all the days, weeks, and months leading up to the incident. All the days when he cried and didn't want to get out of the car...all the inquiries I made to find out why he was so upset. It's mind numbing. I lay a wake at night and wonder if this has happened before, or what could have happened or would have happened if that hero of an aid has not stepped forward to give my sweet boy a voice. I cringe at the police report that two eye witnesses say she stated " my first instinct is to slap him." What kind of animal says that? What kind of person acts on a statement like that?
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I try and do the right things for him. We advocate tirelessly for him at his IEP meetings. We only have very close family members (ie grandparents) watch him on the rare occasion that we go out without our children. School should be the last place we are afraid to send him. This school has failed him on a few other occasions, but the fear of starting over somewhere else kept us there, where at least everyone knew who he was and who we were.
To the wonderful teacher who wrote in above, thank you. I wish more teachers could be like you. I hope and pray that more teachers become accepting and tolerant as Autism cases are on the rise. I actually had a teacher come into my husbands business a few years back that taught at our sons school. She said that the principal asked her to teach in the ASD class...her comments that followed were horrible, derogatory in a way that I didn't know existed. I then told her that my son was in that class...she was mortified. I felt so saddened by her comments, so saddened for her that she could be an educator and think in such a way.
To the parent of the child who was trapped in the chair and taunted by the teacher...I am so sorry that happened. I can truly understand what you are going though. I can't fathom that other parents condoned the teachers actions, that is horrifying. I'm scared for that community, I just don't get it.
To all of the parents of children on the spectrum, stand up for your child, If something doesn't seem right, check it out, check it out until your gut says " all clear." I sat in an IEP meeting for 3 1/2 hours just a few weeks before this happened with this teacher and administrators who assured my that my boy was in good hands. I referenced him not sleeping well, and not wanting to go to school. They assured me he was merely getting frustrated with school work and his new communication devices. I wish I inquired further...I wish I followed my gut instinct. I convinced myself that I was just being too protective. Now I am left wondering if she abused him before. When one says their first instinct is to slap a child...they are capable of so much more. Thank you for this opportunity to vent. May God bless you all and hold our precious gifts close as we release them to the school system.
I'm all for encouraging one's offspring to be kind and inclusive to their classmates, but my girl has a classmate with autism and Tourette's who, dozens of times per day, yells "Fatty Patty &*(%^!!" at my daughter. I intellectually understand that it's not bullying, that it's an involuntary verbal tic but my daughter hates it and refuses to spend a second in this particular kid's company outside of school.
ReplyDeleteAnd said child's mom calls, on a semi regular basis, to inquire if my girl would like to come over for a playdate. No. Not now. Not ever, not even if hell freezes over.
While it's fine and good for you to love your horrendously behaved kidlet w/special needs, it's a bit much to expect others to do so to - particularly if their disability manifests behaviourally!
Carlee, thank you for comments. I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is being called names on a daily basis, I can only imagine how hurtful and frustrating that must be for both you and your daughter. I also understand why your daughter would not want to attend a play date with a child who was mean to her, intentionally or otherwise on a regular basis. However, I question if you fully read my post that was talking teachers physically abusing students with special needs in a classroom environment and how that was setting a bad example for the entire class. And while you may not be able to put yourself in the shoes a the child with autism and Tourette's in your daughter's class or his mother's--I would hope that you can recognize both of them are in an extremely difficult situation that they will deal with for the rest of their lives.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is nonverbal at the age of 4 so I do not have to worry about her using words inappropriately but she does get frustrated and bang her head or scream or pinch adults. We have spent thousands and thousands of dollars in therapy working through these issues but it is an ongoing struggle. If on a bad day someone experienced my daughter's worst behavior and called her a "horrendously behaved kidlet w/special needs" I don't know how I would respond. I hope it would say, "I am sorry that my daughter's disability has offended you. I truly hope you never have to deal with anything in your life that pushes your limits because I can see based on your comments you are not very capable of empathy. Further it saddens me that your child lost a valuable opportunity to see you model positive behavior about how to respond to someone who is different but instead witnessed you name call and belittle." But I don't know how I would respond because no has had the audacity to use the phrase "horrendously behaved kidlet w/special needs" in reference to my daughter's autism.
And while you're outraged that a CHILD with a DISABILITY calls your child names because of an involuntary tick, you somehow find it okay to refer to someone else's child - a child you do not know outside of this blog post that you completely misinterpreted - as 'horrendously behaved'?! Classic. That 'horrendously behaved' child you're referring to is the sweetest, most receptive, most unique child I have ever known and loved, and I've not met a single person who can say that their day wasn't brightened by Caroline's sunny disposition.
ReplyDeleteIt is your every right as a parent to not want your child to have play dates with a child who calls her names, regardless of whether that child can control the behavior or not. But if you seem so displeased and put off by children with special needs, then I'm curious as to why you not only read this blog, but found it necessary to comment and insult the blogger.
I hope, more than anything that, while you may be so close-minded and judgmental to and about children with special needs, you keep these opinions away from the mind of your daughter who still has so much opportunity to grow and be a compassionate, empathetic and kind human being. Otherwise, I'm afraid one day you'll be faced with the unfathomable heartache and all consuming anger when someone tells you that it's okay for you to love your "horrendously behaved kidlet"...but don't expect others to do so.
My girl lost the opportunity to spend extra time being involuntarily insulted by a classmate she isn't especially fond of. Every so often she invites a kid over who declines the playdate, because some kid isn't especially fond of her. So be it. I don't adore all 32 year olds on sight because they're 32, and nobody expects me to... but somehow being 5 is reason in and of itself to like a classmate because they're 5. Makes no sense.
ReplyDeleteMy kid doesn't dislike all kids with all disabilities (which would be horrible) -- she dislikes ONE kid who happens to have a disability. Other kids, who also happen to have disabilities, she happily plays with.
I model positive behavior towards people who are different for my girl by requiring her to be polite to her classmate. She is.
Blogging about a kid who hits/bites/scratches mom and dad hard enough to leave a mark on a regular basis and complaining said child is rarely invited to birthday parties. And failing to connect behavior to results of behavior. Curious.
(Pre-kid with autism, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't necessarily encourage your kid to hang out with a child who, for no fault of their own, bites and bruises yours. Just sayin').
So sad still more abused kids in the school system.I am in alberta canada and it has happened to my son I"M sure,it was not untill I started to talk to former kids and parents did I learn,the teacher verbally abuses everyone in the class except the vice principals son,which she caters to.When I complained to every level in the school still nothing was done.I took my son out of this school three and a half months ago,I'm trying to get him in a life skills program but because this teacher says he is angry so I can't get him in.This abuse in this school has been going on for years most of the parents and special and there special needs children have moved right out of this town because of this teacher and this schools opinions of special needs.Special needs class room should be banned all together.My son is at home or with my relatives when I work.But just last week I heard from a mother who just put her son in the class this year, guess what ,her son is getting the same treatment and so is another parent I heard about.My son spent most of the last 5 years suspended from class or field trips ,job ex and most any activity they didn't want him at .In this school system he has been hit by another boy and lost a front tooth.He was segragated on a bus all by himself for one year and spent most of the time having the teachers and aids constantly complain about him.The school has made it so bad hen is banned from our local swimming pool And it is not because my son is bad ,he has gone to many swimming pools across alberta no one ever has a problem with him.The influence this school has in the community is unbelievable.My son is a lot happier sence he is out of school.But hope to get him into a life skills program but because of this teacher and the schools input it might not be easy.I,m trying to change things in the town I,m in but its not easy to get a teacher thats no good with special needs, out of the school and, away from kids shes doing damage to
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